We %&@# to Talk.

There's a really disturbing trend that's happening in the English language and I think something should be done to address the problem. It's too late to nip it in the bud.

People are saying things like "I n**d you to get that report ready," "you n**d to clean out your car," "I n**d to see your ID," "you n**d to fill out this form." Well aren't we a ray of sunshine! Did someone get up on the wrong side of the bed?

Those are things you say to someone when you're angry at them. The things we n**d are things like oxygen, water, food, sleep. You're taking things that aren't n**ds and saying they're basic biological requirements for living. You're literally saying either "I can't live without ___ from you" (and implying "you will be responsible for my death") or "you will die if you do not do ___." Whoa! Hold on a minute! What did I do or say that's so horrible as to deserve that?

And isn't it against the law in most jurisdictions to threaten someone with death? Then why has "you n**d to" become the default way to express necessity or issue a command? Something has gone very very wrong in our society.

Other languages don't do this. French expresses necessity a few ways, but often through besoin, which is more like a care, a concern, a responsibility. Italian has the related bisogno. Spanish uses necessitar, related to "necessitate", which comes from a different root. Spanish also has tener que in parallel with English have to. The disturbing trend is, to the best of my knowledge, strictly an English problem.

There's a name for the terrible phrase: the "kindergarten imperative". It's called that because it is a condescending and infantilizing way to speak. But I'm not sure I agree with calling it a K.I., because why should we be telling preschoolers over and over that they're going to die? Early childhood trauma much?

In any case, these angry words are most often spoken with a smile nowadays. It's really jarring to see and hear something so dire come from someone who's trying to look and act friendly. It's duplicitous and doesn't inspire trust.

I know I ask a lot from people when it comes to language... apes aren't monkeys, serial commas make things clearer and more accurate, there's no such word as "octopi". And maybe I must pick my battles.

But if there's one thing and only one thing we really should get right when speaking and writing, can we please stop threatening each other with death over mundane things?